If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
