I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
