first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
