Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
