i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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