I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
