it was like eating out sand paper
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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