you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
