Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
