After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize