I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
birth control should be required to get into college
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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