did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hippo gnu deer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
