i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
