So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
