Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love having hate sex.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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