Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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