maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You pole danced in your parka.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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