Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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