I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
