he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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