I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
