The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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