I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
