The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
