I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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