My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
