that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
