May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
