There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
