Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize