My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
