No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
