I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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