I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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