Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize