Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
