im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
