so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
