This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize