There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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