Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
