I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
