My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
