You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cops high fived after they tackled you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
