i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
