Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
