Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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