just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
