i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
