I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
