Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
