Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
