shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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