i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
