This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize