should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this just has baby written all over it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
