Sorry, I don't speak sober.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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