If i come over, it means nothing
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
