sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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