omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize