took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
