I swear god or herbie drove my car home
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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