one word: firstdatebathroomanal
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
