I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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