im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
