The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
