We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize