And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
