is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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