Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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