porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
