The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
